The beginning of things

I have a feeling this “chocolate bar review extravaganza” is going to be the “first post” that takes six weeks to do, so I am going to do a “soft open” as it were. Wow, too many quotation marks. Anyway, I figured I would take this first post to let you know how the various and sundry reviews are going to work, and how the scoring method is going to function for each. I want this to be interesting, although if complexity bogs me down I reserve the right to revert to a simple “out of five stars” or “out of ten” ranking. All of this is subject to change at any time. We are just getting started here.

Restaurants

These reviews are not changing.  Where appropriate, however, I will make additional notes for my friends.

Beverages

This category encompasses everything from sodas to energy drinks, coffee to tea. The review elements will change based on the type of drink, as detailed below. I will also detail any ingredients that are odd or appropriate based on the type of drink.

Energy Drinks: Energy Level, Twitch factor, Flavor, Value
Sodas/ Cold Teas/ Misc: Flavor, Value
Hot Tea: Aroma, Flavor, Replay
Coffee: Aroma, Flavor, Energy Level
Purposeful Brews: Effect, Flavor

Some minor notes. Twitch factor is how twitchy the drink makes you. The best energy drinks will give high energy for low twitch. Replay is how good is the tea when you re-steep it two or more times. A Purposeful Brew is a beverage that claims to have some value other than “energy” or refreshment.

Movies

Ah, movie reviews. Some of you who know me are out there going “Well, everyone knows Stephen loves everything!” This is patently untrue. With movie prices out of the frame, I usually only go see movies I am reasonably certain I will enjoy. Therefore, I have a higher than average rating on the movies I review. Once you understand that, I think you will understand why I skew higher than most other people.

Movies will receive the following ratings: ROF (rip-off factor), Glutton for Punishment, Plot, Special Effects, Man Score, and Overall. ROF is how ripped off I feel at paying $10 for the movie, Glutton for Punishment is a score representing the chance that I would pay to see it again at the theater, Man Score is how manly the movie was. It is possible to get a negative in this category.

Books

Reviewing books is something I have never attempted before. Due to the nature of the beast, and how tastes change over time, I will be doing Ancient and Current reviews. Ancient reviews will be of what I remember, Current reviews will be of books I have read or completed reading in the past 12 months. I would like to post an Ancient review of a book, re-read it, and then post a Current review. Categories are: Addictive, Boredom, Care factor, Replay, and Overall. For non-fiction books, there is also the category of Absorption (did I learn anything?).

Care factor means that I actually care about what is happening in the book. The best books draw you in and cause you to care. It is possible to have a good book with no care factor, i suppose, but it is one of the things I value most highly. Addictive books are page turners, and boredom just measures how boring the book can be. Even really good books have boring bits in them sometimes.

TV Shows

I have never done this one before either, but here are our categories: Must See TV, Entertainment, DVR. Must See TV represents how badly you absolutely have to watch every episode every week. DVR means that you consistently give up a coveted DVR time slot to record the show.

Music

Another new one for me. I haven’t even decided on the categories yet. On my first music review post, we will knock that one out.

Food

When reviewing food, I will use whatever categories are specific to the type of item (e.g., Chocolate) I am reviewing.

I know I am biting off a lot with this blog, but I am always getting requests from people to review more stuff, so here it is. Also, and most importantly, I enjoy it. Thanks for reading, hopefully post my first review tonight/tomorrow morning.

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